I should have known I would horrible about keeping up with my blog. I honestly believe I haven't written anything because to be real on my blog would be painful and the purpose of my blog had been to be cheerful. But Amy is right, I need to be real. I didn't want to write anything because there didn't seem to be much to be cheerful about or proud of. I'm not happy about where I am in life so I tend (i guess I don't tend I do) to shy away from everyone and block people out...the people that care the most and know me the best. I don't want people to see me sad or in my "dark days". But maybe if I can be real on this blog and chart the progress of life, I can look back over time and see a change and see how my life is getting better.

I just wish I could tell everyone that. Tell all my friends that it is not personal. I just want to send out a mass email with that message and say I am not avoiding you - I am avoiding me. I have the most amazing people in my life, and when times get tough I shut them out. Then when I finally come to my senses I have to repair friendships that I had broken.